The Last First Day
I originally wanted to title this entry "the beginning of the end", but an SMS from my girlfriend to wish me all the best for my last first day of school tomorrow inspired this far more poignant offering.
The phrase doesn't just indicate that the end is near; it also draws attention to the very special place that first days have in all our lives. First days, be they of work, school or the calendar year, are always times of realistic trepidation and defiant hope. We like to think of them as turning points, clean slates on which we can begin to rewrite the story of our lives sans mistakes of the past. When they actually happen, however, they usually fail to live up to the hype.
I remember my first day at Henry Park Primary School in 1987. Mum was with me during recess, and bought me a vitagen from the drinks stall. They had a promotion back then, where the bottles had two foil caps instead of one. Remove the first foil cap and you might find a star-shaped sticker on the one beneath it. The colour of the star indicated what prize you won. I remember I got something that day, but I can't remember what.
I remember my first day at Anglo-Chinese School (Independent) in 1993. Mum was there too, shouting from a distance someting she had told me umpteen times before: not to allow myself to be bullied as I had been in Primary school. Moments later, one of my classmates charged over and yanked my shirt out of my shorts, crumpling it in full view of my mother. I tore away from him with all the force I could muster, in denial of my uselessness.
The only thing I remember from my first day as a Secondary Three pupil there was my literature teacher coming into class and exultantly saying "all of you look so handsome!" She was referring to the fact that we were now wearing long pants.
On my first day in Raffles Junior College, I sat in the canteen with people who had followed me from ACS(I). The bell rang for us to go to the hall for our orientation briefing, and I said "ok guys, let's go!" with an air of newfound importance as a Rafflesian.
My first ever lecture at NUS was on a Monday. It was for USHY01 (as it was then called) Singapore: The Making of a Nation. A then-compulsory USP module, the lecture was held at LT13. One of my ACS(I) classmates, who entered NUS a year before me because he deferred a year of National Service through a scholarship, saw me there and asked "are you sure you're in the right place"?
There have been many other first days of school in between, but tomorrow is the last of them all, since I've made the decision not to pursue postgraduate studies. To answer my friend again, yes I was in the right place, and with hindsight, in a more correct place than I could have asked for. These last four years have given me more than I've had a right to claim. I'm not going to blow my own trumpet here but those who know me will understand what I mean. Now, I just wonder if I can write a fitting ending to the dramadey that is my formal education.
I have reason to worry. I didn't touch my thesis during the holidays, or do more than print some relevant journal articles as a research assistant to my thesis supervisor. I'm becoming terribly disillusioned / disinterested in the whole act of writing a thesis...each additional obstacle makes it increasingly farcical. Plus, the songwriting bug has returned to bite me in a way it hasn't before. I'm involved with my student clubs' upcoming musical, my CCA's concert, and my own personal projects for which I've been extremely inspired of late. All require songs, and I've been churning out ideas, structures and lyrics like my graduation depended on it.
So tomorrow, school re-opens for the last time for me. I'll still approach it with as much defiant hope as in previous years. It's true that first days are only ordinary days at extraordinary timings. But they are still worth hoping for not only because they are special, but because all days are. This is something I've always known, but am only beginning to experience. And it is with this sentiment that I hope to live out my final weeks at NUS, finding joy in each day, refusing to bow to the pressures of modern life, and riding the wave of carpe diem till the fabulous finishing line.
The phrase doesn't just indicate that the end is near; it also draws attention to the very special place that first days have in all our lives. First days, be they of work, school or the calendar year, are always times of realistic trepidation and defiant hope. We like to think of them as turning points, clean slates on which we can begin to rewrite the story of our lives sans mistakes of the past. When they actually happen, however, they usually fail to live up to the hype.
I remember my first day at Henry Park Primary School in 1987. Mum was with me during recess, and bought me a vitagen from the drinks stall. They had a promotion back then, where the bottles had two foil caps instead of one. Remove the first foil cap and you might find a star-shaped sticker on the one beneath it. The colour of the star indicated what prize you won. I remember I got something that day, but I can't remember what.
I remember my first day at Anglo-Chinese School (Independent) in 1993. Mum was there too, shouting from a distance someting she had told me umpteen times before: not to allow myself to be bullied as I had been in Primary school. Moments later, one of my classmates charged over and yanked my shirt out of my shorts, crumpling it in full view of my mother. I tore away from him with all the force I could muster, in denial of my uselessness.
The only thing I remember from my first day as a Secondary Three pupil there was my literature teacher coming into class and exultantly saying "all of you look so handsome!" She was referring to the fact that we were now wearing long pants.
On my first day in Raffles Junior College, I sat in the canteen with people who had followed me from ACS(I). The bell rang for us to go to the hall for our orientation briefing, and I said "ok guys, let's go!" with an air of newfound importance as a Rafflesian.
My first ever lecture at NUS was on a Monday. It was for USHY01 (as it was then called) Singapore: The Making of a Nation. A then-compulsory USP module, the lecture was held at LT13. One of my ACS(I) classmates, who entered NUS a year before me because he deferred a year of National Service through a scholarship, saw me there and asked "are you sure you're in the right place"?
There have been many other first days of school in between, but tomorrow is the last of them all, since I've made the decision not to pursue postgraduate studies. To answer my friend again, yes I was in the right place, and with hindsight, in a more correct place than I could have asked for. These last four years have given me more than I've had a right to claim. I'm not going to blow my own trumpet here but those who know me will understand what I mean. Now, I just wonder if I can write a fitting ending to the dramadey that is my formal education.
I have reason to worry. I didn't touch my thesis during the holidays, or do more than print some relevant journal articles as a research assistant to my thesis supervisor. I'm becoming terribly disillusioned / disinterested in the whole act of writing a thesis...each additional obstacle makes it increasingly farcical. Plus, the songwriting bug has returned to bite me in a way it hasn't before. I'm involved with my student clubs' upcoming musical, my CCA's concert, and my own personal projects for which I've been extremely inspired of late. All require songs, and I've been churning out ideas, structures and lyrics like my graduation depended on it.
So tomorrow, school re-opens for the last time for me. I'll still approach it with as much defiant hope as in previous years. It's true that first days are only ordinary days at extraordinary timings. But they are still worth hoping for not only because they are special, but because all days are. This is something I've always known, but am only beginning to experience. And it is with this sentiment that I hope to live out my final weeks at NUS, finding joy in each day, refusing to bow to the pressures of modern life, and riding the wave of carpe diem till the fabulous finishing line.
posted by The Empty Signifier @ 1/10/2005 03:57:00 pm
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